Plot Twist

When something goes wrong in your life, yell "Plot Twist!" and move on.
-- An insightful post in my Facebook newsfeed

Whatever is good, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praise-worthy-- let your mind dwell on these things.
--an Apostle

Do not let what you don't have keep you from using what you do have.
-- a wise fortune cookie


I've been quiet. But it's been almost a week, and I owe this blog a post.

It's been a difficult week. This week marks the end of the first month of my time in a new city and a new life. It's not what I expected it to be. But that's not a bad thing. Some difficult things have happened, things that I didn't see coming when I sat in my beloved little room with the purple walls and the Ikea bookshelf and made the decision to finally follow my dream to be an English teacher. But all that means is that, sitting here at 6am in my tiny one-room with the pink-tinted sky brightening my window, regrouping from the hard knocks with the comfort of hot tea, friends' support, and the internet's wonderful supply of escape puzzles, there are other things that I can't see coming in my current state of exhaustion. Good things. Happy things. Things to validate the hope that stubbornly refuses to be uprooted from my heart. Things to signal that God is there. Right there. Making it all into something good.

So... this week. Well, my soul was lashed to smithereens by human harshness in a sector from which I didn't expect it, and I had to back away from someone I care about. My appetite lapsed, and my sleep cycle went more haywire than it already was (which I didn't think was possible). I was late to work for the first time (my pristine recooooooorrddd!). I lost lesson plans that I had spent hours on (stupid computerrrr!) and had to cancel on my boss who wanted to see the plans that day. I'm struggling to incorporate all of the aspects into my lesson plans that she wants me to (the list keeps getting longer) and I hope she doesn't think I'm just not listening to her. My more difficult students are showing their truer colors now that I'm no longer "new." (Why don't they want to learn?) Yesterday, I was physically ill from the stress. I'm finding myself too inexperienced to plan lessons well and too kind-hearted to enforce classroom management. And my heart is just tired. And probably bleeding a little. And tired.

But discouragement is just evidence of courage-- a courage that has been dissed and needs only to drop the dis.

When something unexpected in life lays you out on the floor and knocks the wind out of your lungs, that's bad. Yes, it hurts. Like if you've got a concussion, then yes you need more than a bandaid. Yes, you may need a time-out, a whistle-blow that rescues you from the pressure of the match. You may need stitches. That's just the world we live in. But even if it's so bad that you're temporarily incapacitated, hope is still there. Your dreams are still there. God is still there. Grace is still there. Flowers on the windowsill, sunlight on your face, human connection. Life is still there. All of them are still there. Just like they have been all along. Just cheering for you to regroup, to heal, to get back up and try again. Of course those swings are going to still be out there too, coming right at you. But this time you'll be stronger, you'll know how to see it coming. You'll know how to dodge. You'll maybe even know how to leg-swipe it right back.

The difficult thing about rough patches is that they are difficult. The good thing is that it can only get better from here.

Today, I'm off. Today, I'm eating three meals. Today, I'm revising my lesson template again, and researching student motivation. Tonight, I'm going skating, and having tea with a friend. Today, I'm taking time. Because guess what happens when you take time. Wounds heal, skills grow, life changes, and things work out for good. If you plant acorns, you get oaks. No matter how long the winter is.

That's the world we live in.

Thanks to the friends who have been praying for me. You're the awesomest bestest. :)